Saturday, May 2, 2009
At 37 years old I have come to the conclusion that I'm not going to have a long term relationship. The idea that someone is out there for me died. I am getting set in my ways and those ways don't work when you add a woman to the mix. I'm not opposed to the idea of forever after, I just think the reality of it happening to me is fadeing fast.
In the last few relationships I have had the same statement told to me in different tones. "You never have time for me!" This is true and false. I do make time for the other, but I don't always want to be with the other. I'm not talking about cheating or sleeping with someone else. I think that sucks. I have had a few bitches do that to me. I know how it feels. I would rather tell them it's over instead of acting like a scumbag and sleeping around. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I'm not mad, upset or pissed off. I just need some me time. In the garage, on the bike, on the couch, or hanging with my friends. I just don't want somebody up my ass 24/7. Even when I work all week and don't see the other, I may need some me time on the weekend. This ALWAYS leads to problems. They just don't understand and I can't explain it. I am tired of telling the other the truth about something and getting "WHY don't you just tell me the truth!". I did, you don't believe me, so now what am I supposed to do?
I have no clue. My friends know I can't read a woman worth a shit. I have missed a few opportunities that my friends saw and I was clueless. I find out later, by then it's too late. My problem, I'll deal with it.
Yeah, another one ended tonight. That is why I am writing this. I liked her, but I think we were always going to be like fire and ice. Not compatable. Sometimes is sucks being single. Going to holiday functions solo is awkward at times. Always being the solo guy in the room etc, etc, etc... But it beats being in a relationship that sucks or one that the other is pissed off at me most of the time. I am not the type of person who HAS to been with someone. The type of person who goes from one relationship right into another because they are afraid to be alone. I am comfortable with who I am. I am comfortable with in my own skin. I might be alone but I am not lonely. One night stands don't do it for me either. Why would I want to spend a night with you when I don't want to spend the day with you?
I'll keep on being me. Maybe I'll find the right one, but I seriously doubt it. And honestly I really don't FUCKING care. I always have my friends and my bikes, and that is what matters most in life to me.