Monday, May 18, 2009

Smoke Out X

You have been Judged unworthy to hear the stories or see the pictures from the Smoke Out. Go buy the magazine or build a chopper and go to the event. That is the true way to support the scene. If you ride a bagger or a golf cart, stay the Fuck away we don't need you. You will never receive enlightenment. You will have to wait until next year for a peek at the carnage that happened.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


LAST POST BEFORE WE HIT THE ROAD. The bike is serviced. No, I didn't get to change the forks. I know I still have a blown fork seal. I don't have time now. 5:30am comes quick. The plan is to leave work early and hit the road around 3pm. Spider Monkey Mike and I will try to hook up with Termite and English John on the way to the PreSmokeout Bash at The Bad Monkey Compound. Bill, Kevin, Kojack, and Meggen will make it later. Work, Party, Ride, Party, Race, Party, Go Home, and start planning for next year.
Tommy , Sniper Bill and the BW boys are on there way back from Smokeout West in AZ. Roadside and Kat are coming up from FL. Bacon is not gonna make it. FUCKIN BUMMER. He plans on seeing us later in the year. We really need to plan a ride up to Canada and see him.
Till we return here is a pic from last years mini bike race. Just before the mayhem started.
Judge Out!!!


Kevin at it again. Working on my mini bike. Check out the velvet seat. OOOOH YEAH!!!! KOOL AID STYLE!!!! The bigger red one is El Guapos. Watch out Kevin!!! If EL Guapo sees you on the floor he may try to do his famous and deadly "FINGER DIP" or "THE VIOLATOR". I hope you have your iron underoos on.

Lucky Helmut

Kojack knows a guy who knows how to pin stripe. Anyway Kevin had his helmet done. Looks fucking cool. I think those shamrocks are to balance out the bad luck color on the bike.

Spare Parts / Never Late

The next few posts will focus on a man busting his ass. Kevin at Gear Head Customs. He has had a full shop full of friends bikes and mini bikes. Busting his ass all day with his day job just to come back to a shop full of slobs like me. The Smokeout is Hours away and his bike is the one that is not running. Sucks. Anyone who has turned a wrench professionaly knows what that feels like.
Spare Parts is a Triumph that Kevin chopped a few years age. Cool little machine. The jockey shift handle is an old screw driver handle. It is covered with what his wife called glitter we call it metal flake. This one might not make it to the Smokeout. I for one am bummed about it.
Never Late is his FXR. I did some motor work to this one awhile back. He seems happy about it. the paint was done by Kojack. Paint by Rusty laid down the green. Looks good but, is a bad luck color on a bike to me. This one will make it to the Smokeout and anywhere eles he wants to go.
Hope you can make it to the pre party bash Kevin!

Hippies Suck!

Peace loving idiots who think that hugging a tree and not bathing helps the world. These wastes of sperm tell you to "chill out" and "Hit a dobbie". Fuckin idiots! Tie Dye sucks almost as much as that peturli or what ever that shit is called they slather over their bodies. That shit stinks!! Nothing but a bunch of teenage fools thinking they are anti-establishment. Fucking posers.Fat grls who can't get laid with anyone who isn't a subhuman loser. These fuckers need to wash their feet and get aggro about anything. Quit asking me for a magic ticket and a PBJ sandwhich. Take a bath, realize the 60's are gone and not comming back and yo missed them. Then do something worth while like kill yourself.
That's my verdict and I'm sticking to it!
Judge out.
This sign says alot. Two of the shops I go to have this in or on the building. There is no back door, just a hole to bury stinking hippies!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Here Kitty Kitty Kitty

Turned on the AC in my truck today. The smell of cat piss came out of the vents! I have seen the little fucker running around the compund a few times. The guy up the road feeds these wild cats to keep them around. He says it keeps the mince down in his barn.
If I see that little hairball pissing or spraying my truck, I'm taking out the kitty blaster and taking him out.
Furball no more!!!!

Sunday, May 3, 2009


I really needed a new helmet. The one I was useing everyday was 10 years old and worn out. I got this helmet before Bad Monkey Motor Works went underground. I had it striped a few months ago. Overall I like the work. The skull on the back was supposed to be similar to one on an ARAI. We missed the mark on that. I will spray bomb the back of the helmet and slap a sticker over it. It's all good. I don't blame anyone for the mess up. Shit happens that,s all. I sold my old helmets to clear out the shelf they were on and put the cash into the paint. When I get the cash I will get that new ARAI. $600.00 for a helmet is alot but my head is worth it. Right now this $200.00 helmet will do the job.

It's almost here!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!! The Smokeout is almost here. This event always sneaks up on me faster than a top Fuel Harley through time traps. (For those of you uneducated few that's fucking fast!) My mini bike is almost done, Thanks to Kevin at Gear Head Customs, the costume I need to get working on. EL Guapo and The Dirty Clown Fucker still have to work on their costumes, so I don't feel that far behind. I do need to change the forks on the FXR and do a service. I have to give my old forks to The Infamous Road Side Marty. He's gonna hit me if he reads this. I'm not real sure he can read. Find parts for bikes, yes but read? Not sure.
Work is busting loose right now. I have a ton of shit to do. So there is gonna be a few late nights in the garage getting ready. I need to find my Slayer CD. That always motovates me and pisses off the WHITE TRASH NEIGHBORS WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN SMOTHERED AT BIRTH. I can't wait to move.
I need to get my helmet over to Megan so she can redo the interior. Megan is Kojacks other half. Both are top shelf people and can be found at Paint by Rusty their shop. Oh Yeah, Megan your bike will not be known as Frankie no matter what you say. That tank came off the Glory Hole and that's what we are going to call it. Sorry.
If all goes well Kevin and I will be hauling the pit bikes to the Bad Monkey Compound this weekend. I have to call first. I don't need a .223 round in my guts or a war hammer to the head while a pit bull tries to remove my nuts. That fucker is real serious about security and who knows where he lives. I don't blame him. Too many HOG members out there wanting to hang around and call him BRO.
Here are a few past Smokeout pics to kick up the anticipation for the SMOKEOUT X.
The first one. We didn't do it. We got blamed for it. We wanna buy the person responsible for it a beer. I don't know how you got those stickers everywhere. It was fucking awesome and funny as hell.
Two, Big Tim from Muther County Choppers lighting the burn trailer with his fire throwing Triumph Chop.
Three, Flaming mini bike burnouts. Can't say much more than that.
Last but not least. I still don't know how Big Mike got the Logans waitress to push him off. She tried a few time to get that thing going. It was awesome. Mike got the tuff guy award that year. With all the shit that happened to him and his bike, he kept going. Right on.
The Smokeout X is in Rockingham, NC this year. Be there or be the Sorry ass waste of space you really are.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


At 37 years old I have come to the conclusion that I'm not going to have a long term relationship. The idea that someone is out there for me died. I am getting set in my ways and those ways don't work when you add a woman to the mix. I'm not opposed to the idea of forever after, I just think the reality of it happening to me is fadeing fast.
In the last few relationships I have had the same statement told to me in different tones. "You never have time for me!" This is true and false. I do make time for the other, but I don't always want to be with the other. I'm not talking about cheating or sleeping with someone else. I think that sucks. I have had a few bitches do that to me. I know how it feels. I would rather tell them it's over instead of acting like a scumbag and sleeping around. Sometimes I just want to be alone. I'm not mad, upset or pissed off. I just need some me time. In the garage, on the bike, on the couch, or hanging with my friends. I just don't want somebody up my ass 24/7. Even when I work all week and don't see the other, I may need some me time on the weekend. This ALWAYS leads to problems. They just don't understand and I can't explain it. I am tired of telling the other the truth about something and getting "WHY don't you just tell me the truth!". I did, you don't believe me, so now what am I supposed to do?
I have no clue. My friends know I can't read a woman worth a shit. I have missed a few opportunities that my friends saw and I was clueless. I find out later, by then it's too late. My problem, I'll deal with it.
Yeah, another one ended tonight. That is why I am writing this. I liked her, but I think we were always going to be like fire and ice. Not compatable. Sometimes is sucks being single. Going to holiday functions solo is awkward at times. Always being the solo guy in the room etc, etc, etc... But it beats being in a relationship that sucks or one that the other is pissed off at me most of the time. I am not the type of person who HAS to been with someone. The type of person who goes from one relationship right into another because they are afraid to be alone. I am comfortable with who I am. I am comfortable with in my own skin. I might be alone but I am not lonely. One night stands don't do it for me either. Why would I want to spend a night with you when I don't want to spend the day with you?
I'll keep on being me. Maybe I'll find the right one, but I seriously doubt it. And honestly I really don't FUCKING care. I always have my friends and my bikes, and that is what matters most in life to me.